Stepping out of the office, I tried to put on a strong face, but no, for reasons I don't know, I can't, tears rolled down from my eyes immediately I saw the boys outside, the girls were around too, everyone of them might possibly be waiting for me just to see the reaction that I was putting on.
Their smile stings, their laughter was so hard in my ears that I felt like there was nothing else I can hear if not the sound of them laughing, I fought to hold back because the emotions were over me, felt like everything I was holding back all came together right now to attack, every pain and anger washing all over me as I covered my ears with my hands to block the sound of the roaring laughter.
I have been taught to always stay strong by Auntie Margaret who has been taking care of me since forever, she knew of my weirdo status in school and have requested from me never to react to it, but this time, it's no longer something I can help myself overlooking.
They all hate me after all, what's the reason to make it hard for them in eliminating me once and for all?. Maybe I should end it all, they'll be free from me and I will be free from them, their taunts won't get to me again and I won't get to stand before them again, maybe that's the best option, even my parents who abandoned me will find it pleasing when I am no more, they never wanted me, they never wanted me in this world, they never wanted me in their world, I will have to make it easy for everyone, both my classmates, teachers, and parents who abandoned me, I am going to make it easy for every single one of them.
With them still staring at my breakdown, I stood up and left their presence, could still see them pointing and laughing at me. I don't know how auntie Margaret will feel about this, but right now, I am going to be selfish for once, I have lived for her all my life, now I'm going to leave and it's for my own good, not hers.
If I am happy for one thing, it's me breaking that boy's nose with that basketball, at least it's worth the suspension now given to me, the principal said that I am suspended for two weeks, too bad I won't be around to see it out, I have somewhere to go, somewhere none of them can come with me for the meantime.
I left the school gate as I made my way home, somewhere in my head, I am happy for the decision am about to make, not that it will hurt anyone of them because they never cared, but because I will send myself into freedom by myself in one piece and by my own personal choice and decision.
My eyes were fixed on that white bus I have always seen since I was a kid, the bus is the only thing that I can relate with, both of us were abandoned and we have got to live it out alone, the writing and posters on its body looks like it was once a tour bus, a bus with nothing but happiness and filled with joyful faces, but now, everyone has left him, he's now alone here and no one cares about it, I can tell that it regrets trusting them, just like I regret staying this long all because of auntie Margaret who wanted just someone to keep her company, I guess she should go find herself someone else or live alone to see what a happy life I have been living being alone.
I was standing by the side of the bridge looking into the river as cars pass behind me, it's still noon and my classmates are still possibly enjoying their selves in the school, playing games of entertainment while I was just beginning my suspension. I was just staring into the river and the river back at me, I never knew how to swim, I have never tried it before and my first time is about ending it all, I looked behind me to see whether someone was watching, whether someone was going to pull me back, but no, there was no one, no one cares, they just drive pass with their vehicles less concerned about what the girl at the side of the bridge might be thinking, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. All you have to do is jump over Ember, no one is watching, no one cares, you have to end it all by yourself or someone else will torment you even in the afterlife, if any push you in by him or herself, then you will find a new regret registered, a new regret to look into while in the afterlife and the person will be having fun here that he bullied you even in death, can you allow something like that to happen?, Can you give yourself away to be finished by others?, That's not thoughtful Ember, you have to let go, you have to take the jump and everything will be under your control, everything will become your decision and no one will ever take that away from you.
Those words in my head was really encouraging even in death, it's telling me how brave I should be if I am to conquer death and everyone who was taken a bit out of my happiness, they all Shou give me back what belongs to me because I am taking this step with all part of me with me. I opened my eyes turned around for the very last time, but just as the voice in my head says, none of them cares, I am of no use to them in this world, so I am to take everything with me and end it all. I took the jump.