Sophia Codache
With a heavy chest, I walked around my sister's room, remembering our memories every time I glanced at those spots where we had fun together before. The things inside her room remained untouched.
It's been a long time since Sarah left us, and I can't stop thinking about how she is doing right now. Does she have enough food to eat? Do they take good care of her? We have no idea about what those doctors did to my sister.
All we knew was, she's not around anymore.
Before, I agreed to let Sarah be with them. Honestly, she had nothing to do with this family. Sarah doesn't know about life at all! In short, she is useless in the eyes of many. And the struggling part was, I kept on asking myself whether to agree with them or not.
I sat on the corner of the bed, facing the huge hole. I sighed when I remembered that time when mom scolded me for not giving an eye for her. Sarah did naughty things when she is alone, so I have no control over her thoughts.
The memories flashed as I saw myself looking for jobs to raise this family. When our dad left us for no reason, all the pressure poured on me. I was still a student, but every time my mom became stressed because of Sarah, she kept on threatening to kill us while we were sleeping. I wondered why she needed to include me when Sarah had her tantrums and did silly stuff, that was out of my control!
And honestly, I believe that Sarah has no control over it. Memories ran back again and again. When Sarah woke up in the middle of the night just to destroy the things we had in our kitchen, mom always blamed those things on me. She kept on saying that it was all my fault for sleeping before my sister slept. My mom has no idea how much I wanted to end my life for being not perfect enough to avoid myself from sleeping.
"But, I felt tired that time-"
"And you think that you're the only one who gets tired?! How much more if you're at my situation right now!"
Those arguments echoed in my thoughts. I wiped the tears that fell beside my eyes as the memories kept flowing.
I have no voice to argue. I have no voice to reason-out. Why? Because every time I wanted to explain my side, my mom interprets it as going against her. When I told her that I am not okay, she always compared her suffering to mine and argued that hers is more painful.
Yes, I knew that her cross is more enough for me to recognize her suffering. I don't deny that. It's just that I wish she doesn't compare my sufferings to her. She was somehow telling me that I don't have the rights to ponder since she suffered too much.
But, isn't it unfair?
I never thought I would be born this way. She always thought that I don't give any care about her, but the thing is, I just don't want her to see me getting affected by our misfortunes in life. But the funniest thing was, she thought I have no mercy to her at all.
I laughed in bitterness.
I never wished to have a perfect mother. All I need are for her to hear out my concerns and listen to my side.
When my birthdays come, I always get scared. Because I feel like the older I am, the higher my mom's expectations come on the way. During my birthdays, I don't wish for gifts. I only wish for an open, happy family.
I shook my head after remembering those sorts of dramas inside my head. I inhaled deeply and breathed out a loud air.
What a life.
Those are the reasons why I was thankful that Sarah isn't with us right now. However, as time goes by, and there's no single trace of Sarah being with us during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I felt emptiness.
My life became dull, and only the buzzing sounds of those flying insects kept whispering in my ears.
But now that Sarah isn't with us anymore, I need to move on and continue my life. I stood up, raised my head, and walked straight to the hole to see the view of the sunset. The leaves were dancing, following the direction of the cold winds.
I smiled as I watched the sun going down. I felt refresh after seeing the vibrant orange-yellow sky I witnessed.
I crossed my arms and leaned my side to the broken wall. Even the sun gets tired.
"Sophia, come help me!" I heard my mom's voice calling at me from the kitchen. Our place was quiet and tranquil, and these were the reasons why even a single breath in this place can be heard.
I quickly get back to my consciousness, and my body gabbled upon hearing that voice once again. So far, our relationship with my mother became stronger ever since Sarah disappeared from our lives. It was a sad reality for me as her sister, but life confirmed it with us.
"Coming!" I responded in wittiness, wiping the remains of my tears while fixing myself. Afterwhich, I head back to the first floor, where I can locate the kitchen.
When I arrived in front of mom, who was arranging the grocery she bought from the nearest market, she began to speak.
"How was your day at school?" She surprisingly asked. I stilled for a moment after hearing those words from her. From all of these days, she hasn't asked me how my day went, but now, she did. My heart smiled because of what she said.
I felt unsettled and did not know how to react. "Ahm, i-it's fine!"
She glanced at me as soon as she finished arranging before preparing our food. Her face lit up upon hearing my positive response.
"I am glad to hear that, sweetie." She joyfully said with her eyes flickering to see me.
But, I felt weird. These were what I asked for. But when my mom spoke those words to me, it felt different. It felt strange.