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Chapter 80 Seventy-nine
* God has never failed and he will never fail. *
****
The bridal walk took longer than expected as the bride drifted off into memories.
“ I can't keep going on like this, Evelyn. ”
“ What do you mean, Evans? ” Her eyes were fixated on him, her world tearing apart as she heard him say those words. “ We are not getting this right. Our relationship is going nowhere, Evelyn! I don't love you. ” His words were like sharp knives thrown at her heart as it bled almost immediately.
“ What… Do you mean? ” Even after hearing his words, she still couldn't believe it. No it can't be, it really can't!
“ I don't love you, Evelyn. I really don't. ” his words were followed by sobs, stunned Evelyn stared at him, not knowing how to react.
Didn't they say that men don't cry? Why then is her fiancè doing just that?
“ Evans… ” She knelt down beside him, reaching out to him, but he avoided her.
“ Love is defined by four words; Desire, Passion, commitment and sacrifice, but I don't have those, Evelyn. I don't. ”
“ But… ”
“ I feel like a parasite, simply taking up space in your life without giving anything in return. It's almost like I'm using you for my own benefit. ”
“ But you are not, Evans! You are not. ” Her orbs were filled with unshed tears.
The garden fell silent, as they both cried their eyes out.
“ We really can't continue like this, Evelyn… we can't. ”
“ Evans… ”
“ I want to be there for you, Evelyn. I want to enjoy spending time with you. I want to support you in your dreams and visions. I want to be someone you can rely on, but I can't Evelyn. Any attempt to be all of those seems like a tough battle. One of the best indications of love is sacrifice, but Evelyn. I'm not even able to sacrifice my time! ”
Evelyn stared at him, not knowing how to react.
“ I don't want to keep forcing myself, Evelyn. I want to love you and do everything out of love, not because it's expected of me. I want to take care of you Evelyn, because I love you. ”
“ So you don't love me? ” she subconsciously took a step backwards.
“ How can I love you when I don't love God? ” Hearing his rhetorical question, she grimaced and just before he could stop her, she ran.
She kept running till she got so far away from him and there she broke down.
“ I love you, Evelyn. ” It felt like yesterday when he said those words to her, hearing it from him felt like heaven.
And now? She heard the contrast. “ How can I love you when I don't love God? ”
“ Was I stupid? ”
“ Was I so starved of love that I actually believed that a broken guy could love me? ”
“ Why was I so blind to see the signs? ”
The truth was, she noticed the signs. The hundreds of unanswered calls and ignored messages said a lot.
Those times when she expected him to be there for her, but he wasn't.
Days where she spent hours in tears, not knowing what to do or how to react.
Times when she expected him to stand up for her, but he didn't.
Despite how close they were, he never acted that way when they were in public.
Their relationship was always in secret. She didn't mind though, since she didn't like flaunting things, but was she just stupid?
Was she so blinded by love that she zeroed his lack of support to him being shy?
Was she so stupid that she excused the fact that he ignored her messages in the name of being busy?
Was she naive to think, he had more important things and couldn't make time for her?
Was she?
The pain in her heart hurt too much.
“ Why didn't I read the signs? ”
“ Why? Why did I allow myself to get deceived by mere words? ”
“ He said he loved me, but never told me how beautiful I looked. He never told me how talented or smart I was. ”
“ How can I be so stupid to think that I'm probably not as beautiful as other girls he had crushes on? ” Evelyn thought about how she'd stalked a girl, just because Evans said he found her very beautiful.
“ How could I be so stupid? ”
Then she recalled the sleepless nights, how she kept herself busy all day, so we wouldn't think about him, only to end up with the raw pain in her heart during night times.
Then she would binge watch multiple break up videos online and listen to podcasts on how the male's brain works and how they fall in love.
Whether that helped, was something she had to think about. Because if it did, why then does she wake up the next day with a numb heart? Then come face to face with the pain all over again? Why?
Despite all of it, she missed him so much that she blamed herself for being so weak and vulnerable.
It was so bad that she skipped meals and slowly lost her enthusiasm to do work.
It sucked honestly. It really did.
The worst part of it was that she couldn't tell her Bestie, Miranda.
Not because she didn't want to, but she didn't want to disturb the latter.
Though the latter tried to make her talk multiple times, she always avoided the topic.
Why wouldn't she? The latter had gone through a lot already and the last thing on her mind is to cause her to be sad.
Why did love have to be so hard? She had questioned so many times.
People found love so easy, why was hers different?
Or were they just pretending? Was it a facade to deceive her?
The only reason she went in completely, letting down all her guards was because she believed God was in control.
Was he really? Or was she simply being deceived by the devil?
Because if it was God, why then does it hurt so much?
Evans looked through his Bride's eyes, his heart broke when he saw it all there.
It was all there, like it never left.
It was as clear as day.
But he's got his own story too.
Didn't he?
He had and he was now ready to tell.
Stay tuned.
….
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