"I'm sorry, Blaire." 
I was left speechless and my tears were slowly falling. I don't know why am I crying right now. I tried to stop it but I really couldn't. I’m used to it and I knew that’s what he’ll say. I 'm just hurt. When your brother is really really mad at you. From the time my grandmother died, he no longer considered me as his sister.
Claire approached me and suddenly hugged me so tight. I heard my heartbeat and it's beating so fast. I wiped my tears and took a deep breath before facing her.
"I'm okay! I'm used to it." I smiled bitterly.
"I'll try to talk to him, don't worry."
I laughed a little. "No need, Claire! Mom and dad did that before, then what happened? My older brother's anger at me got even worse."
I want my older brother Miles back who took care of me before, who was kind to me, and never let me down. Claire looks so disappointed and at the same time, full of pity on me.
"Blai-"
"I'm fine! You don't have to worry about me, my sister." I smiled before I left the living room and went into the kitchen.
When I enter the kitchen, I suddenly stopped. I saw Manang flor and Trixie, preparing for lunch. I smiled at them when they saw me here, standing beside the refrigerator. I approached them.
"Miss me, Manang?" I asked. Their eyes widened and then Manang suddenly went to me and hug me tight, so Trixie did as well.
"Ah, you're so pretty Blaire. I'm glad that you came back." Trixie said as she looked at me head to toe.
"That's right! Blaire got more even prettier," Manang said.
"Don't say that. By the way, how are you two?" I asked.
"We're fine, hija. How are you? Is your older brother noticing you?" My smile slowly faded. I looked down.
"He's still mad." I looked up at them "Manang, just send my lunch to my room." They looked at each other.
"Won't you eat with them?" Trixie asked as she put the Caldereta on the bowl.
I shook my head a little and smiled fakely. "I'm sure, Kuya Miles also doesn't want me to be at the dinner table. So, I'll just eat upstairs."
They sighed and did not answer me back. I know, they both feel pity for me and I don't want the people around me to feel that way. I just walked away and went upstairs to my room.
As soon as I entered, my tears quickly flowed down to my cheeks. I can't stop them anymore. It's hurt. I covered my face using my two palms and lay down on the bed. I don't know what I'm going to do now!
While I was crying, I heard my phone rang. I sat down on the bed and then immediately wiped my tears and took a deep breath before I took out my phone from my sling bag. It was Lev.
"H-hello," I whispered.
["Blaire! Sorry! We didn't go home last night."]
"Oh! It's okay. I don't mind, anyway."
["Luke told me that he picked you up last night."] My brows furrowed. When they talk? ["And he also told us about what happened between you, Luke and Blue."]
I scratched the top of my head. "Y-yeah! I didn't mean that. Okay?"
["What happened about your voice?"] I couldn't answer immediately. ["Did you cry?"]
"Ah... Of course not! Anyway, where did you guys stay last night?" I changed the topic. I don't want them to get involved in the mess of my life.
["In SBC! The owner let us stay there last night."] My forehead furrowed. When else did they meet the owner of SBC?
"Do you know who the owner of SBC is?" I asked.
["Of course! Duh! Luke was the only owner of then! Shit! Don't tell me... you didn't know about that?"]
"You guys didn't tell me so, how would I know about this? Huh?"
["Whatever! We need to go na. Bye! Labya!"] She ended the call after that her 'Labya' word.
I rolled my eyes in the air. I didn't know that Luke is the owner of the SBC. How did that happen? Why he didn't tell me about that. When I put my phone on the side table, I heard a knocked on the door so I stood up and opened it.
"Hey! Thank you!" I smiled at Trixie.
"Welcome!" Before she left my room, I noticed something on her wrist. It looks familiar but I ignored it.
Rice, 1 bowl of Caldereta, 2 pieces of chicken, Ice cream, and a glass of water, those were the foods placed on the tray that Trixie had delivered. Yummy! I started eating while watching movies. I have nothing to do here in the room but just watch.
After I ate, I decided to sleep since I was tired because of my date earlier. I want to rest, just for a while. When I woke up, it's dark outside. So I decided to call my boyfriend, Luke. He answered it immediately.
["Babe, What's wrong?"]
"Nothing! What time did you get home?"
["Around 2 pm! There was a bit of traffic earlier."] I heard him sighed.
I nodded as if he could see. "Hmm. Do you have plans this coming Christmas?"
["One more month before Christmas."] I pouted. I know that. ["Anyway, Mommy said that I would spend my Christmas in France. I'm sorry!"]
He needs to be there. He needs to spend his Christmas with his family. I wonder, how about the new year? I hope he will be here when the new year comes.
"I understand! How about the new year?"
["I'll be with you, of course."]
I smiled. "Okay, babe. Bye. I'll end this, they're calling me to get downstairs." I ended the call after he said goodbye to me. It's true! I heard my name downstairs.
I got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower first. When I came out, I quickly fixed myself and went downstairs. There, I saw kuya Miles and Claire eating dinner.
"Hi!" I started.
"You did sleep well, huh?" Then she chuckled and I just shook my head a little.
I started eating as well. Kuya Miles didn't bother to give me a single glance, he just eats silently. I swear, I will never give up on kuya Miles. He was the one who told me before that I was not born to just give up on the things that would come into my life. So, here I am. I will do everything for his forgiveness that I really want to.
When the final exam came, I am so nervous. These past few days I’m not on my own self so I’m not sure if I answered all the exams properly. I waited for an hour now for the result of the exams. My hands are cold and trembling so Claire and Amara hold them now. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the result of mine. I am not defeated! I got a high grades. I smiled widely, Claire and Amara did the same when they saw their result.
When another week came, I felt so unhappy. Luke will go to France next week. I will be alone. But, he promises me that he will call me from time to time, so that's okay with me. And we have been staying here at home for almost two weeks.
"Get in. Hurry up!" Kuya said so that's what we did. Trixie and I in the backseat while Claire is in the front. Kuya Milrs decided it.
We plan to go to the Church right now for morning mass. My older brother didn't even want to take me but Claire and Trixie said I had nothing to do here because it was Sunday, so my older brother was forced to take me. I think this is the chance to pray for his forgiveness that I really wanted.
"Are you really coming with us?" Kuya asked, he's looking at me from the mirror in front so I think, he was asking me.
"Uhm, yes," I answered.
The side of his lips rose. "Might you get burned? It's too early to take care of your 'lamay'."
Ouch! Kuya? Is he really so mad at me for saying those things right in front of me? I seem to be a very worthless person.
"What the hell, kuya?" Claire burted out. I also heard Trixie said 'fuck'. But kuya just rolled his eyes then drove away to the church.
I was shocked because of what he just said. My tears are slowly falling in my cheeks. I looked away. He hurt my feelings too much. It seems like he wants me to die soon. That is one of the worst harsh sentences. That wasn’t just the most painful thing he told me. I smiled bitterly before wiping away my tears. I felt someone hold my hand so I was a bit shocked. I forgot! Trixie was sitting next to me.
When we arrived at the church, we immediately looked for a seat. We were in the middle, I guess? My older brother was next to me and Trixie was next to me and Claire was next to my older brother. This is so awkward. I feel like crying again.
The mass has already started and we are just listening, following what is being said and will only speak when we are the ones to speak, it is written there on the screen. My tears are slowly falling again because of what had priest said.
“We all make mistakes, no one is born perfect. If you are angry with someone, learn to forgive, because we do not know that your first meeting may be the last. Always remember that repentance is always late. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it gives the future a chance! Remember that.”
That was it! After the mass, we immediately go home silently. No one tries to speak around us. It feels so awkward. I hope he will forgive me soon.
After four days, Luke and I decided to date today, because today is his last day here because tomorrow I will take him to the airport. Even though I didn't want to let him go, he still had to leave.
"Hey, babe! Smile!" He pinched my cheeks to make me smile.
I took his hand away. "How can I smile, I will spend Christmas without you."
"But you will spend new year with me. We will celebrate the new year together." The side of his lips rose. He wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head. I just pouted.
We are here at the Luneta park but we are also leaving, because I want to take him to the person I love the most. Before he started the car, he put the seatbelt on me that I had forgotten to fasten earlier. But I suddenly stopped breathing when he suddenly kissed me.
I just shook and smiled when he released my lip. He also drove the car to the place I told him earlier. When we arrived at the cemetery, I picked up the flower we had bought earlier.
"Who are we going to visit here?" He asked when we came out of the car.
I smiled. "Follow me," I said then I brought him in front of the grave of my lola.
"Who is she?"
"She's my grandmother." I put the flowers in front of the grave and sat down, Luke did the same.
"Hi lola. How are you? Are you feeling good there? Well, I hope so... You know la, kuya Miles is still mad at me. He said last time that it was too early for my 'lamay'. It seemed like he wants me to die soon. What should I do, lola? I want my older brother to come back, I mean, like he is not mad at me, like he loves me so much like before."
I started to cry. I felt luke's hand wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "It's okay. I'm just here." He whispered.
"And lola, I want you to meet my boyfriend, Luke. He's kind but sometimes he's so mean to me. If you were just here, I'm pretty sure you would like him." I looked at Luke and smiled at him.
"You really love your lola, huh?" I just nodded and then he held my hand so I looked at him.
"Lola, I promise to you, I will always take good care of your granddaughter, I will always cherish her, I will always protect her as much as I can, and I will always choose her with whatever choices. I promise you that lola," He said in front of my lola's grave.
He looked at me with worried eyes. "Hey! Why are you crying?"
"Oh! I'm sorry!" I was about to wipe my tears but he suddenly took my hand away and he wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"Why are you crying? Is there something wrong with what I've said?"
I immediately shook my head "No! It's not that! It's just... tears of joy. I'm just happy. Okay?"
He stared at me for a long time as if examining or memorizing my face. And then he kissed me passionately.
"Ich liebe dich, Ava." He said in between our kisses.