Freddie was my first kiss. It happened in the library; we were together. studying for the upcoming test. And yes, we were the only ones there. It feels like I am in a movie or something.
"𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗸𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂?"
Those words send shivers down my spine. Not in a bad way, it just I was surprised. I had anticipated this day to come, but my heart was not ready for this yet.
It was my first time.
I do not know what to do... since he was my first boyfriend. I never really had any experience with this kind of thing before. It makes me nervous. I could feel my heart pounding loudly. My hands are sweating. I cannot bring myself to reject him. I am curious about what "kiss" feels like. I'm not sure what happened next, but his hands wrapped themselves around my waist, and I sat there nervous. I do not know how to react.
His hands are dangerously wild.
My back was facing him as he hugged me in his arms. It feels warm. It was nice to be in his arms. I started to feel calm. So, the kiss happened. It was short. more like a peck. But it was enough to make my face turn red. He did too. He was blushing as he hugged me. I cannot believe that we kissed. I thought it was over... But his hands started to slip into my shirt. That was the first time I was honestly scared.
I am not ready for this.
This scares me.
Please stop.
He noticed that I was scared and he stopped doing that. I am really glad. Relief washed over my face. Our class is starting soon. We made our way back to the classroom. He was blushing as he took a seat next to his friends. I feel relieved.
"𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗳𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗿𝘆."
I was shocked. I am confused and angry. His friends were the ones who said that to me. I was really disappointed that he told his friends about what happened in the library. And dirty stuff? It was just a peck, for goodness sake! He kept saying that he was sorry for telling his friends about that. I cannot believe this guy. I have come to realise how naíve I was. And that was also one of the reasons for our fights. A lot happened during our relationship. He's started to become bold; he prefers more skin-ship now. Even in class, his hand went to my waist. I did notice other people giving us dirty looks. I mean, it is weird to be like this in class. I was afraid that the teacher might notice us.
"𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂."
The more he says those words, the more impatient he becomes. It scared me how he was brave to do that in public. I mean, it does feel nice when he expresses his love in public, but it is just too much. It is getting uncomfortable. For me and the others.
He was obsessed with me.
He was possessive of me.
Our relationship soon came to its peak of breakup. I do not know if it is true or not. But I just want it to be true.
"𝗛𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗔𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗮'𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁."
My universe came crashing down when my classmate told me that. I was speechless. Pregnant? Wow.
I do not want to believe it.
I want to trust him.
But he had been absent from school for weeks now. I cannot contact him. He did not reply to any of my calls. I was desperate to know if it was really the truth or not. It hurts so much.
Why are you doing this to me?
After weeks of disappearing, he came back. He looked like a living corpse. He looked dead. He does not smile anymore. And what shocked me the most was that he was dropping out of school.
What happened to you?
When I found out about that, I could not help but believe those rumors. Seeing him like that hurts me even more. He never said anything to me. Not even an apology. He was ignoring me. I never expected to cry.
But I did.
For three whole days, it was the first time I ever felt disappointed. Crushed. Sadness. and a mix of hatred. 𝗛𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲. I wanted to hate him. I really do.
"𝗜 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵."
He texted me. After weeks of not responding and ignoring me, He finally texted me first. I was overwhelmed. Should I be happy? Should I be angry? I do not know. He said that he wanted to meet me. But I cannot bring myself to meet him. I cannot stop my tears from coming out. Hearing his voice over the phone is enough to make me cry.
It hurts so much.
He begged and kept begging. telling me that he did not do anything like that. He even swore that he had never touched Amanda's. He kept saying the same words over and over again.
"𝗜 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂."
I cannot do this anymore. I do care for him. I did love him with all my heart. I wanted to be together with him. But my heart hurts when I think about him. I cannot do this anymore. I do not want to feel this pain.
"𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝗼."
I broke my own heart when I said those words. But I cannot take it back.
He is gone now.