When I'm assured that Razor and his gang wont be able to find me thats when i started to walk in my normal pace. I needed to catch my breath.
Razor is a drug dealer I met when i was trying to get rid of my delusions. I wanted to escape the demons that were giving me nightmares. First i tried marijuana. It was working for me at first but after a few months my delusions have gotten worse. I got so desperate that I asked the help of a suspected addict and he referred me to him.
That's when I started taking shabu or crystal meth. But instead of respite it got me in more trouble. I got addicted that i sold off most of my personal stuff. And when I no longer have the money I begged Razor to lend me some drugs. He agreed and now hes hunting me.
"Niccolo this is what you get in associating yourself with people of questionable character." I wanted to kick myself in the gut.
But there's no use blaming myself. What I need is a solution. They will soon come after me when they found out that the necklace is fake.
But where will i get the money? Maybe I should just go home. But my parents will be disappointed in me. They will be heartbroken. They did everything so that i could finish school.
But what should i do? And where the hell should i go? If only i could just disappear then all my damn problems would go away.
I wanted to go back to my bed space to rest but my new roommate kinda creeps me out. He tries to be friendly and all but he's obviously hiding something.
I can sense something is wrong with him. His presence makes me feel uncomfortable. But at least he isn't trying to hurt me. I can relax around him. Maybe I just need to get used to his company.
Since i dont have any place to go where i could feel safe i decided to just go back to my bedspace.
Its almost lunch time so everyone is either in school or at work. The whole building was extremely quiet. It's only me and Ric, my new roommate who is probably around. I need to get comfortable around him, the sooner the better.
I slowly open the door afraid to make a noise. I don't want to disturb him. He was dead tired when I left earlier this morning. So he might be sleeping or still resting. And i was right he's still asleep.
I felt a little envious that he can sleep peacefully. I can't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. My dreams always turn into nightmares.
I think it all started when i turned eighteen years of age. At first it was just weird dreams that can be easily dismissed. But those dreams were so vivid like some memories in the distant past.
Then i started to see strange things even when i'm fully awake. I know i'm inside the classroom but suddenly i find myself in a swamp surrounded by creatures i didnt know existed. It's just a few seconds but its enough to scare the hell out of me.
I keep convincing myself Its just an illusion my mind playing tricks on me. There is no way what I'm seeing is real. And soon it will go away but they never did and sometimes they feel and look so real.
Those creatures that only supposed to exist inside my head are hunting me not only in my sleep but also in my waking life.
I wanted to tell my friends but what exactly should I say to them? Hey I'm seeing monsters in my dreams. But not just monster i sometimes see places and creatures even when i'm awake. They will think i'm crazy so I kept quiet. So quiet that I start losing my friends one by one.
Since I got no one to turn to and the nightmares and delusions are keeping me edgy throughout the day I turned to drugs.
I got high and those monsters did go away for a while.
It also keeps my mind foggy that some of my delusions disappears. Its ironic but the illegal drugs are actually keeping me sane. Ofcourse everything is not without its consequence.
I'm still barely getting any sleep. And as my body gets addicted i started to want more. I loaned money from my friends and i even almost spend the money my parents sent me.
Razor is the real monster and I sought him so theres no one to blame but myself.
The only reason hes keeping me alive is because he still wants to get his money and he knows I can still produce it. Afterall i still have my parents and they can send me an allowance. He's kind of patient for a gangster.
Looking at Ric he seems like hes only a couple of years older than me. His breathing was a bit shallow and the room was colder than usual. We don't have air conditioning system so that's kind of weird.
But then its a reprieved from the really hot weather outside so who am I to complain. I tried to make as little noise as possible. I don't want to disturb and wake him up.
I need some peace and quiet myself. I have no time for small talk. A lot of things happened and the day wasnt event over yet. Thinking about earlier, it was really weird that Razor just accepted the necklace.
That guy hate being bamboozled and the fact that he lets me go is kind of a miracle in itself. Its a rare occurence so I should atleast be thankful. After strings of misfortunes finally I got a bit lucky.
But odds will not always be on my side. The drugs really do help to momentarily block those images inside my head. But if im going to die young i guess its not worth it. My delusions might be keeping me up most nights but it never come to a point where I want to destroy or even end my life.
I need to find another way. Or at least something that won't put me in trouble or in serious debt with a drug pusher. I can't continue living on the edge. I've lost too many friends already because I was afraid they will know my secret.
But I cant let my delusions control me. I will just try my best to deal with it the best way i can. I will need stop depending on drugs if i want to continue living a "normal" life.
"You're already here. I didn't noticed you. I think i overslept." It was Ric. He still looks a little groggy. But still he forced himself to sit on the side of the bed.
"I hope i didnt disturbed you." I said apologetically.
"Its fine. By the way you look flustered. Did something happen?" He asked.
"Nothing." I dont want to unnecessarily worry him with my trouble. We are not friends.
"I know I'm just new here but you know you can talk to me. I don't judge. After all, I'm built of crazy stuff." He joked.
He's right he looks a bit crazy. The cool kind. He kind of creeps me out because of his smile but he's actually an above average looking guy. Hes also taller than me. And he got this cool key tattoo on his lower arm.
"Not as crazy as me." I replied.
On the outside I'm what you describe as average. Average height, average weight, average look. I'm a breathing walking mediocracy. There is nothing special about me. I'm the type that blends into the crowd. I'm forgettable and easily overlooked. And I like it that way. It kept me out of trouble.
But sometimes I wonder about being special. A moment where all eyes are on me while they anticipate my next great move. Deep inside I also want to be someone that people need. And that I'm not just the weird quiet dude in class.
"Why? Do you see dead people?" He jokingly asked.
"Nope, worse than that." If he only knew.
"Well you're lucky, ghosts are annoying as fuck."
"What?" that's hell confusing. Did he just say ghost? And that's while looking in a certain direction like he was really seeing something invisible and yes looking annoyed. But I just tried to laughed it off. Ofcourse he was kidding. Hes not the only one with a warped sense of humor.
"Don't mind me. Told you I'm crazy. I think i need food. You want something?"
"Nah. Im fine.'' I'm really hungry. But my pride wont let me be a freeloader.
He finally get up on his feet. But before he left he turned to me.
"By the way just an unsolicited advice, I know that most of the time you just want to escape life. But what if escape isn't what you need? Maybe what you need is an answer?"
What's that supposed to mean? This guy is getting stranger by the minute. Does he know about my struggle? But that's damn impossible. And even if he does what the heck is he talking about? Answers?
But even before I could respond he immediately left the room. Answers? Is there an actual possibility that I may not be crazy? Am i living in a matrix? What the hell! Is this some science fiction story? And why am I even considering this shit? This day is really strange as hell.