Jessica walked around the school premise aimlessly. She could not go back to the classroom or concentrate. She was so devastated and disoriented that she felt like committing suicide. Her mind was in turmoil and she could hardly comprehend or fathom it all.
‘How could I be pregnant?’ she asked herself again and again for the umpteenth time. She had thought she was protected and smart. She thought she was a big girl and all grown up, now see where her cockiness had brought her, she moaned.
She thought of her parents and shuddered, they will certainly skin her alive, especially with her father’s presidential campaign around the corner. She also thought of her friends and what they will say. She’ll certainly be a laughing stock.
Unable to take it any longer, she broke down into heart rendering sobs, sobbing pathetically. She wished the tears could wash away the pains and sorrows she felt deep inside and the awesome reality her present predicament presents. She had not bargained on getting AIDS or pregnant. It completely took her unawares. She had thought of getting an education first and then a good job later before thinking about getting married and having children.
‘Why have I been so stupid and careless?’ she asked herself again and again. ‘Why did I fall for the same old trap?’ She prides herself as being a big girl and grown up and now all she got in return were unwanted pregnancy, AIDS and heart break. She thought of Ijeoma and what she will say. She wished she had listened to her, wished she had not been so cockeyed and so sure of herself.
She thought of what to do. The principal had not said anything yet. In any case, keeping the baby was definitely out of the question. The thought of carrying the pregnancy to term and nursing the baby was totally horrifying. That will literally mean the end of her life. ‘No, I can’t keep the baby,’ she muttered to herself. Then she thought of all the other options available to her - motherhood, abortion and adoption. Abortion seemed the littlest of the three evils at the moment. Having decided on abortion, she turned and walked back to the classroom.
In class, she was restless and could hardly concentrate. She sat on her desk, starring blindly at the blackboard. She looked around the crowded classroom, wondering how long it will be before it becomes common knowledge that she is HIV positive and pregnant and the inevitable avoidance and ostracism. Already, her friends were looking at her inquisitively and raising eyebrows.
Immediately lessons were over, Sandra, one of her classmates and a strong proponent of contraceptives and abortion on demand, walked up to her. She has a voluptuous appetite for gossip and hunts for information the way a deer hunts for water. She is, in fact, the Miss Tell - it – all of the school. She is friendly with everyone and unavoidable as well. “So girl, what did Mrs. Torture want?” she asked coyly, sitting on her table nonchalantly.
“I don’t know,” she snapped. “If you are that inquisitive, why don’t you go and ask her yourself?”
“Don’t be a mug. I mean well,” Sandra insisted.
She bowed down her head, desperately avoiding meeting her eyes. She couldn’t tell Sandra of all people. She will laugh her to scorn and broadcast the news as fast as lightning.
“Why don’t you just leave me alone?”
“I would have if you weren’t my friend.”
“I’m sorry, Sandra, I didn’t mean to sound rude, but… but…there’s a lot going on in my mind right now and I wish to be left alone.”
“I would have left you alone if you were not my friend. But since you insist, I will,” she said and turned to go but, she stopped again. “That reminds me, did she say anything about the test?”
“What test?” Jessica snapped.
“Well, I thought I should mention it. All the same, if you have a problem, I am a shoulder you can rely on.”
“I’ll take that as an advice. I’ll like to be left alone.”
“Well, please yourself,” she said and left.
Immediately Sandra left her, she packed up her books hurriedly and went back to the dormitory. As soon as she got to her little cubicle, she slumped into her bed and wept her heart out. She felt so demoralized and heartbroken and even refused to go to the dinning for lunch. She wasn’t feeling hungry and there were no more colors in her life. Everything was now black and white. She saw no reason to live and blamed herself unceasingly for believing in safe sex and wished she could turn back the hands of the clock. She also felt cheated and abused and all kinds of fools too and cheated and betrayed by those she trusted.
As she contemplated her grim future, door opened and Adeline, one of her classmates, popularly called ‘Ever ready’ because of her proclivity for jumping from sheet to sheet breezed into her room. She was closely followed by Rose. They were all glee and bliss and she envied their bonhomie.
“Hi baby, guess what?” she enthused, waving her phone around. “Ken’s replied to my message. Here, take a look at this,” she pushed the phone into her laps. “He asked me to come to Abuja next week; he said you can come too. You know what that means? Are you not happy for me, girl? Common, say something.”
Jessica merely turned restlessly. She couldn’t trust herself to speak; she was desperately trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to flood her eyes.
Adeline took a closer look at Jessica and saw the swollen eyes and the flushed face. “Oh my God!” she cried, “Jessica, what is it? Are you okay?”
She bit her lips and turned away.
“Won’t you say something? What is it?” Adeline prodded her.
But Jessica merely looked at her with tear filled eyes.
“Oh common girl, spill it. Did anyone die?”
She shook her head.
“It’s …it’s your boyfriend then?” Rose, who has not said anything all this while asked. “Has he dumped you?”
She shook her head again.
“Then its Mrs. Torture,” suggested Adeline again. “Is she making things difficult for you?”
“No,” she muttered inaudibly.
“Okay, maybe it’s your dad. You got a call from home or something?” Rose asked.
She shook her head again and turned restlessly.
“Maybe the games mistress told on you?”
“No, it’s not that,” Jessica muttered.
“Then what? Talk, baby, talk.”
“Adeline, you can’t believe this.”
“Try me. What is it?”
Tears ran down her cheeks. “Adeline I’m…I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.
“Oh my God! You are what? Preg…nant, how come?”
“Search me. I… I …still can’t believe it myself.”
“Are you sure of what you are telling us?”
she nodded, sobbing.
“But…but…I…I thought you are always protected?” Rose asked. “How come?”
Adeline sat down, the radiance leaving her face immediately. “Me too, what happened?”
“Search me. Maybe safe sex happened.”
“Wait a minute, do you mean it was safe sex?” Rose repeated, her mouth opening wide. She could hardly believe her ears. “Oh! So you mean condom fit play wayo?”
“Oh shut up and stop shriveling. I want to think.” Adeline snarled.
“Oh my God! To think it was safe sex,” Rose, who still didn’t believe the unfolding true-life drama, muttered again. She was totally stunned.
“My God, Adeline, I’m finished. What do I do? Adeline, tell me. What do I do and where do I go from here?”
“Oh common girl, cheer up. Don’t sound as if pregnancy is the end of the world for you,” Adeline said quietly. “It’s just one of those things. I mean, it’s one of the processes of growing up. We all make mistakes, you know. Besides, there are a thousand and one doctors who will be willing to get rid of the little bastard for a token.”
“Abortion? Not for me, that’s killing.”
“Common, don’t talk crap. It’s the in-thing, the rite of passage to womanhood. It’s not really that bad. Haven’t you heard of the Adolescents Reproductive Right, fertility control and interruption of pregnancy- those kinds of stuff?”
“Yes, I have, but… but….”
“But what? What is the big deal there? It’s just one of the processes of growing up. We all make mistakes, you know? I’ve had two abortions before. There’s really nothing to it.”
“What!” Jessica echoed back in stark surprise. “Did you say two?”
“Yes, two,” she replied nonchalantly. “Is it really that much? I don’t think so. After all, I know a couple of girls who’s had 2, 3, 4 abortions. In fact, some do have abortion almost every school term.”
“Incredible,” Rose exclaimed again, still dazed by the information. It was a day of surprises for her. “2, 3, 4 abortions, you said?” she asked Adeline, her mouth still hanging open.
Jessica sat up. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious. You sound as if that’s bad. It isn’t. Abortion is the in-thing. It is the initiation into womanhood. Welcome to the club.”
“But…but abortion is killing and you, of all people, should know that,” Jessica said, trying to convince herself that it was normal.
“Who told you that? Haven’t you heard of personhood and deliberate rationality? Unborn babies are not fully humans. Besides, you have to think of your future first before any other thing. How old is it?”
“I don’t even know.”
“Well, it doesn’t really matter. You’ve got some money, haven’t you?”
“Yes, but not much.”
“Okay, I will lend you some if what you have wouldn’t do, okay?”
“Okay, thanks a million, I appreciate.”
“That reminds me, what did Mrs. Torture say?”
“She said she’ll send for me again.”
“Good, then we’ll wait until we find out what she wants to do first. If by tomorrow she didn’t come up with anything reasonable, I will personally take you to my family physician and the rest will be history, okay?”
Yet, despite all the assurances, all the promises, Jessica refused to be comforted. Her mind was in disarray. She’s heard so many stories about young girls dying of abortion and post abortion complications and she asked Adeline about that. “But…but is abortion safe?”
“Of course, it is absolutely safe, except maybe if it was performed by a charlatan and you don’t think I patronize quacks. It is a safe, easy procedure with no complications at all. You will hardly notice.”
But Jessica’s doubts refused to subside. “I’m worried, Adeline, really I am.”
“Common, put a smile on your face. There is nothing to worry about. By next tomorrow you will be singing a new song. I’m going to see Miss Didi Didier,” a nick name the students gave to their games mistress because of her funny way of walking. “I will come back when I’m through with her, bye.”