I rubbed my arms when I felt cold as the night breeze touched my skin. I was on the veranda of the room, watching other people enjoy the nightlife. There was a mini stage assembled near the beach houses. We occupied one of the hotel rooms here, as per Denver’s request. While Kian and Carmienne chose to occupy the rooms on the beach houses.
Since earlier, I never saw Kian and Carmienne again. It was as if they are avoiding me. They didn’t even go out of their rooms. I sighed as I saw how people mind their own business, enjoying their chosen life. I thought of myself if I can have that freedom too. The freedom that is frightening to fight for.
Thinking about this made my heart ache. It was clear that behind my smile hides an an undesirable feeling. I somehow thought about what I wanted in life, but I always stop myself. It’s because I will yearn it. It’s frightening to know that what we want is not always what is meant for us. And the freedom that is deprived of me is what I longed for.
If only I have the freedom to choose…
“Sharmienne,” Denver called as I heard his steps. “dinner’s ready.”
I smiled as I looked at my back. There I saw my husband standing a meter away from me with a smirk plastered on my lips. It vanished when his stares got longer.
“Okay.” I walked near him and smiled. “Let’s go?”
“What happened to you?” He reached for my cheeks and gently caressed it. His gazes were so soft and gentle that they made me almost fall into the abyss. I nodded.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled and reached for his left cheek to give him a peck. I reached for his hand and pulled him with me.
“You don’t look good, wife,” Denver uttered as he follows me. I just nodded when we saw Kian outside the room. I stilled and my hand immediately felt cold.
He was leaning his back on the wall with his eyes closed. His cheeks were red, his hair was messy as if he ruffles it repeatedly, and I can smell liquor on him. He looks drunk.
“Kian.” I was about to walk near him when Denver stopped me. He pulled me closer to him as his hold tightens. His jaws were clenching as it was fixated on my friend. “I need to help him, Denver.”
“No.” His voice was firm that I almost jolted. I shook my head and let go of his grip on my wrist. His expression changed as his hand let go of me before his eyes met mine. “Wife…”
“He’s my friend,” I just said and went to Kian. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. “Kian… Let’s go back to your room.”
“D-did you already talk to him?” He asked in a groggy voice. I knew he was drunk but I also knew what he was talking about. I shook my head and was about to grab his arms when Denver did it for me. He clings Kian’s arms on his shoulder and assisted him to my friend’s room.
I followed them as I felt my heart pounding rapidly. I do not know why I felt this sudden feeling. Did Denver hear Kian earlier? I do not want him to know why we’re here. Aside from the fact that we want to have a vacation here, I also want to think about how to confront my husband about him being a gangster. I also want to buy some time to prepare myself for it. I know to myself that I am not ready to hear his answer even though I have a hunch about what he will tell me.
As soon as we entered Kian’s room, I saw my sister casually sitting in the living room while watching a movie. She’s even so focused on what she’s watching that he didn’t immediately notice us entering the room.
“Carmienne,” I called. She jolted and immediately stood up. When she saw Kian’s state, she abruptly opens a room’s door and Denver entered with Kian. I stopped beside Carmienne who was shocked by our sudden appearance. “I saw Kian just outside our room.”
“Kian looks wasted,” She muttered beside me while we were waiting for my husband. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll take care of our friend.”
“Thanks, Carms,” I uttered, and she nodded. “Should I tell my husband why we are here?”
“It’s your choice, Sharmienne.” She sighed as we both saw Denver go out of the room. “If you think it’s for the best and it will keep you at peace, then you should.” She walked near Denver who was blankly talking to her. My sister nodded at him and glanced at me before entering the room where Kian is.
“Let’s have our dinner, wife,” Denver mumbled as he went near me. I can feel the coldness in his voice, but he kept on hiding it. His jaws were clenched as he went out of the room first. He looks mad.
I sighed and followed him. I was shocked when we entered our room. He headed to the kitchen and our food was already served. He pulled a chair for me and motion me to sit. I smiled and held his jaws that are still clenching. He looked away, but I lifted his chin up and let him face me.
“You jealous, hubby?” I smiled as I caressed his cheeks. His eyes looked away which made me chuckle. His lips pouted before he stares back at me.
“You really love to tease me, wife,” he mumbles. He moves closer and plants a kiss on my forehead before he moves away. He sat in front of me before we start eating. I kept looking at him as he still looks bothered. I do not know why. It’s not as if he's really jealous. That will be impossible.
“Denver…” I uttered in between our dinner. I felt his eyes on me as I still focused mine on my emptied plate. “Did you really mean what you told me before? About your favor?”
“Yes.” He sighed as he put his utensils on his plate. “It was the time you were with Daniel and you were both chased by someone. I was concerned that your feelings might hinder your thoughts. I want you to be honest to yourself, Sharmienne.”
I nodded. I bit my lips and heaved a deep sigh. There’s a part of me that wants to let go of this unwanted feeling. It should calm me down since I already have my answer, but it made my heart troubled again. After all this time, he valued me and my thoughts. He valued how that incident will impact me. And he wants me to think rationally so I won’t go with my emotions.
“Thank you,” I whisper before looking up at him. He was eyeing me with a bothered expression as his stares were like examining what I am thinking right now. “It really bothers me for months when you answer that, but now I am relieved.”
“I admit that I tried to avoid you,” he confesses. “I want you to focus on yourself and feel the freedom of being a teenager. I want you to feel that your life won’t revolve around me completely. I don’t want you to have regrets about marrying me.”
“Denver… I w-won’t.”
“We don’t know what fate plans for us, my wife.” He smiled at me. “But seeing you with someone almost…” He shook his head and didn’t continue what he wanted to say. “Let’s just focus on our goal, hmm?”
My heart constricted. I nodded but I can’t even look straight at him. I want to confront him, but it doesn’t feel right. He got me there. He was serious about this marriage and do not want to catch feelings along the way. It was pure business for him.
Even with months of being together, what’s all in his mind was to help us revive our company, and nothing more. And after his family assists us, he might abandon me and our marriage.
“You don’t want to settle, then…” I said softly. I just want to confirm one thing. I stared at him, yet I can feel my lips quivering. “Are you protecting someone, Denver?”
Shock immediately flashed on his face. He was looking at me as if I said something horrifying to him. His mouth gaped open as if he wanted to say something. His gray eyes pierced through me before he stood up and went near my place. He held both of my hands and I felt them shaking.
But what surprised me was then he knelt with both of his knees on the ground. He put his head on my thighs as if he wants comfort. “W-wife…” His voice broke as he kept mumbling. “No…y-you will not leave me, r-right?”
“D-denver…” I caressed his hair softly as I keep calming him. His body was shivering. I do not know if it was because of the cold or something else. “I won’t leave you,” I assured him.
“You already know about ‘that side’ of me…” he uttered before he tightens his grip on my hands. He looks at me with bloodshot eyes. “You already know that I am a gangster.”