“Calm down, Denver…”
I didn’t know that I would see this side of Denver. Hurt and scared. As if something will get lost. Or perhaps someone. His hands were trembling as he held me. I stared at his gray eyes to assure him that everything will be fine—that I understand his situation. Even though I am also afraid of his answer.
He confirmed that he is a gangster. I should be the one showing weaknesses, but the tables have turned. I didn’t expect it to be this instant. He immediately noticed that I would ask about this side of him. Or maybe… he has been anticipating this to happen.
I knew to myself that I would still accept him, his past, and his identity. Everything about him. As someone who likes this man that I am embracing right now, I accept him fully. I don’t want to force him to tell me all about him. Now that I know how my question impacts him, I do not want to dwell on this side of him. It’s hard for me to see him like this. I want to know everything. I just do not need to rush it, especially at this moment. I am aware that I doubted him and regretted it instantly. But I want to correct it by understanding his side.
“I understand, Denver.”
His eyes showed confusion with what I said. It was mixed with shock. I held his hands firmly to reassure him of this. He must be thinking I will leave him if he tells me about him—being a gangster.
“Are you?” he asked. He heaved a sigh. “No, let me—”
“It’s enough that you confirm this to me.” I smiled.
“Sharmienne…”
“It’s okay,” I muttered softly. “Let’s take it slowly, hmm? I don’t want to rush you.”
I let go of his hands and stood up together with him. I smiled at him and reached for his hair to ruffle it. He reached for my cheeks and slowly moved closer until he captured my lips and gave me a soft kiss. It was different from the kisses he gave me before. It was tender and with care, as if I am fragile and he does not want to break. He held my waist and pulled me closer, and we kept that distance until we could not stop ourselves to embrace every flaw and imperfection we have.
WE SPEND three days in Madrigal’s Resort before we decided to go back home. We never talked about his identity after that night. About him being a gangster. I will let that aside. Though I still need to be cautious and ask Denver to help me with my cousins’ case that happened years ago. That tragedy never escaped my sister’s peace of mind. She still blames herself.
The thing between my husband and I is that we pretended as if nothing happened. In fact, Denver became clingier within those three days we spent together in Madrigal’s Resort. I was happy being with him. We were just avoiding that topic involving his gang. It was very new to me to see him like this. But I like it. I am just not used to it. If he could keep doing this kind of gesture, I might love seeing it always.
“It’s been a while since we got home, isn’t it?”
Denver put down his backpack as he swiped the keycard to his unit. I just nodded even though it had just been days since we were out of town.
“I kinda miss this,” I muttered as he opened the door. He chuckled as he let me inside first. He put his backpack on the couch and went straight into the kitchen. “What’re you doing?”
“I am making pasta,” he uttered. “Just sit there and we’ll meet my family today.”
“W-what?” I stammered. “You mean…shocks!”
I abruptly went in front of him. He looked amused while I was panicking. I did not expect them to visit us here. Is it a surprise? Why didn’t they tell me?
“It’s just my mother with Clyde.”
“Clyde?”
“My younger brother.” He smirks as he keeps staring at me. As if he’s watching my every reaction.
“I didn’t meet him yet,” I uttered with a smile. “How old is he again?”
His brows furrowed but still answered. “He is sixteen. Why, you like younger than you?”
“H-huh?” I chuckled nervously. He looks irritated all a sudden. “No, I like older guys.”
“Good.” He wet his lips and suppressed a smirk. He continues preparing the appliances and ingredients he needs. I was just watching him doing all the stuff.
“Should I help you?” I asked.
“Just sit down, wife,” he uttered. “I can manage.” He winks at me.
I nodded. He looks incredible moving back and forth. As if it is a normal thing for him.
“Tell me about your family, hubby.”
I heard him gasp and the knife he was holding dropped to the ground, making a sound. He abruptly picked it up and washes it on the sink before he looked at me.
“Don’t startle me with your endearments, wife.”
I giggled. “It’s cute, you know. You call me ‘wife’, so I call you ‘hubby’.”
“Tsk.” He pursed his lips and continued what he was doing. But then he started talking about himself. A thing he seldom does when we are together. “I am not close to my family. I live abroad to train myself to be a fighter. I was away from my family, and I endured those years without being with them.”
“For those years, it was torture for me. I sacrificed being away from them so I can protect those people I love. I was trained to protect people, but at the same time, I longed for love and care of my family.”
I can sense sadness between his words. I can’t see his expression right as I am facing his back, but the pain and longing are etched in his voice. It was unusual to hear him with that voice enveloped with emotions.
“I do not even know how to take care of those whom I love.” He chuckled between those words. “I do not know how to express myself as I was trained to be emotionless. To be heartless.”
“Denver…”
“All I know is to fight in combat.” He glanced at me. “But with you, and those people I cherish, I can show them my real self that I cannot show to others.”
I didn’t know, Denver. I’m sorry.
You are really good at pretending that everything’s fine. You hide it with your playful side. You have a scar from your childhood that you still hide.
Is this also the reason you are in a gang? Does someone force you to do it? You trained so hard to be stronger and more powerful just so you can protect your loved ones. Is this your reason?
“You sacrificed a lot,” I muttered softly, almost unable to be heard. I wanted to hug him, but my body was stoned on my seat. It felt numb. If only… I can also carry the pressure that Denver has been carrying for years. “You’re a great person, and I admire you.” I smiled.
“Sha…”
“It must be hard… to carry that burden.” His gaze was already fixated on me. “I understand now why you hated to be in this marriage before. It was too heavy for you, but you still accepted it because your family told you so.”
“Wife…” He walked towards me. He hugged me and all I can do is feel guilty.
“I felt ashamed, Denver…” My voice almost cracked but he hugged me tighter. “Please… please, let me carry your burden too. L-let me.”
“You are already doing it, my wife. You’re uplifting me every day with your smile, your laugh, your expressions, and everything you do… and it motivates me to continue. My purpose, is to stay with you and to protect you.”
He smiled at me after he moved away. He caressed my cheeks and punched it.
“I want to take this opportunity to apologize… I am sorry if I confused you, if I hated you before, and for also blaming you for this marriage. You did not know how much you changed a part of me.”
“I am sorry if I always send you mixed signals, and for concealing the truth about my identity. I promise to tell you when we are both ready. I promise, my wife.”
“Denver…”
“The moment I set my eyes on you on my birthday, you’re already engraved in my system.” He stared at me with full admiration and emotion that was too familiar to me. I smiled as tears started pooling in my eyes. “I like you too, my wife. And I hope we are on the same page now.”