I watched a strange phone ring. Bernice had sat me down after consoling me, then made her way into my closet to find something for me to wear. I was still trying to grasp at the situation, trying to understand why I had come back to this time. Why not any other time? Why not the 1900s? Why did it have to be this exact time in my life?
"Won't you pick your phone?"
Bernice walked in with two dresses each hanging from a clothes hanger.
"My..my phone? I don't..use an android." I said. The last time I used an android was during my last year of college.
"You do, Karla. And It's ringing. Where is your head these days?" She rolled her eyes then brought the phone to me. The caller ID showed dad.
My father. I was very close to him, until the news of the marriage. We got into a huge fight that night and it caused a dent in our relationship, one that was not mended by the apologies after. I guess I took it too hard because I depended on him so much. Just for him to give me up as some gift to cement a friendship.
I picked the phone, then pressed it lightly to my ear. I could still feel the anger surging within me, but I tried to keep calm.
"Karla! My girl!" His voice came through the phone and I sighed.
"Yes, dad."
"I heard you got accepted into college. I am so happy, even though I always knew my little girl would make it." He gave a hearty laugh, and I closed my eyes. I could imagine him rubbing his growing paunch and shaking his head as he did. Hell, he always looked so fatherly and cute doing that.
"Don't do it." I blurted out.
"What do you mean? Is something wrong?" His voice pitch instantly changed, and it became so deeply stained with worry that it overpowered the phone static.
"Don't arrange a marriage for me, dad. Please don't." I said again. I could feel tears sting the back of my eyes.It would have been better attending my husband's funeral as a family friend than as an unhappy wife.
"How do you know about that?"
I couldn't even speak due to the heavy disappointment I felt. It hurt like a stab through the chest. It was even more hurtful that they had been planning it at least 7 years before it even happened.
All my life, one thing I have always wanted was to be free. To not be lonely. To laugh as hard as I want. I have no qualms with anyone, and no problem mingling. Just to find myself in a house with no laughter. And the excess lights did nothing to Illuminate the darkness inside, with a husband whose expressions I couldn't even understand...
"Just don't. I am your only daughter. Marrying like this...this isn't how I imagined my life, my wedding."
He cleared his throat. "Karla? Maybe we should discuss when you come back home."
I sighed as the call quenched and kept the phone beside me. I lowered my head, unable to control my tears as my hair fell on the sides of my face. I never did lament my life back then, but maybe coming here by some stroke of fate and miracle, and getting brutally reminded of how free I had been just made me realize how much I had given up. I wouldn't be able to do it again.
I hear Bernice's footsteps, and immediately wiped my eyes clean. I was already saddled with so many questions of my own, I didn't want to be asked any more.
"Karla. Your wardrobe is no good. Why don't we go shopping?"
I nodded. "Yes, let's go."
She squealed then ran off, as I stood up and went to the bathroom.
I took a long, hot bath, my eyes closed for most of the time as I took my time savoring the heat. I stepped out much later, and wore a simple knee length summer dress. I don't even dress like this anymore. I took a sling bag that held a car key, one that I remember getting as an 18th birthday gift from my parents, credit card and the phone I was now convinced was mine, and along with Kate, Bernice and Natalie, we left the house. The worst part of it all was that it was becoming increasingly real, with everything I used during this stage of my life so weirdly intact.
Everyone was at different aisles, checking out what looked good for them. Occasionally, Bernice would walk over with something she thought the colour of would fit me, but I always said no each time. I wasn't interested in shopping. I just needed answers. How can I go back? If time traveling was possible because the future already existed, would I create a new future for myself if I did things differently from now? If not, What's the point of being back here? The future would be happening somewhere else and I would be here, stuck in the past?
"Bernice, I want to take a walk. Call me when you guys are done." I said, handing her my car key. I didn't even know where the car was.
She collected it. "You didn't pick a dress."
"Just pick out anything for me. I am not choosy."
She nodded as I walked out of the store and took the road to my right. I walked, occasionally having to stop to get my hair out of my face. I only kept a long hair till after college graduation. Now, or in the future I have left, I carried a shiny, black bob.
The road got considerably lonelier the more I walked, but I didn't want to stop or turn. It was like there was something I needed to see there, or somewhere I needed to be over there and my feet were propelling themselves towards it.
Suddenly, I heard a loud crash as glass broke and shattered, then another large hit and the screeching sounds of tyres that have gone out of control. From a short distance in front of me, I could see the fumes rising steadily. I already knew what it was. A car crash.
I turned around, but no one was there. I ran to the victims, and went to the driver's seat. The driver looked a bit familiar, but his face was covered in blood, so I couldn't pinpoint it. I opened the door and pulled him out of it, then noticing there was someone else on the other side, I ran to the other side of the car. I pulled the door open. The person fell out, or at least, half of his body did, while the rest was still in the car. I squatted to his height and took a hold of him so I could pull him out. It availed his face to me, and I couldn't believe my eyes.
It was a face I could never forget. The face of my husband, Luke.