I suddenly lost appetite, as the scene of my first introduction to Luke, 7 years into the future floated behind my eyes, causing me to hear his mother's voice ring in my ears.
"We have maintained very close friendship with your family, Karla. In fact, your father is the only best friend that my late husband had and acknowledged. Other times, he had his nose buried in science books..."
I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly, then opened them again.
"Are you fine?"
"It must have been so hard, Luke." I said again, trying hard to swallow the lump that was growing in my throat.
He must have thought I was disgusting. He must have thought I was like my father. Or when he looked at me, he saw his late father's pain. I didn't do any of it, in fact, I didn't know, but...he wouldn't know that. I wouldn't even care if I was in his shoes.
"It gets better." He said, then pushed the bowl of cookies to me. "Do you not like it?"
"I do. Thanks." But I couldn't help that I had lost my appetite. My father...he had probably been the biggest reason Luke became the cold adult I found myself married to.
He smiled and nodded, then reclined, probably losing himself in his thoughts.
"Maybe you should take a bath now, Luke." I said to him, just wanting to be alone.
He smiled, and it only made me feel guilty. It made me feel more guilty that I had been so ignorant. And I had made no effort at all. He would have felt so wronged.
I stood up and got my phone once Luke left for the bathroom. I stared at my phone for for while, waiting to hear the sound of the shower before calling my dad. He picked on the second ring.
"Hello?" I said, trying hard to not let my voice shake. I couldn't contain the turbulence I felt within me, the sadness I felt at just how much I contributed to the sadness and hate I saw every single time I looked into Luke's eyes.
"Karla. How are you doing?" He asked.
"Why did you do it?" I asked, as hot tears started to stream down my cheeks.
"Why did I do what?" He asked. "Is something wrong, Karla?"
I closed my eyes tight. I had overlooked everything. I had overlooked even Luke. The more I got to see in the two days I came to the past, here, and met him all over again, it had become increasingly clear how blind I had been. And how much I had put him in the background. How much I had only cared about myself.
"He was your best friend." I said into the phone.
What twisted aim would be behind them getting me married to Luke? My mother's wish?
"Did mother know?" I said again, swallowing. "I am asking you!"
"I don't understand what you mean, Karla."
"Why do you want to get me married to Luke? Tell me the truth, father. How twisted are you and Mrs. Catherina that you want to get me married to him?"
"Wait. Karla. How do you know Catherina?"
"Catherina? Should she not be Mrs. Catherina to you too, dad?"
"Karla. I am not sure I understand you. I am not sure I get you."
I closed my eyes, sobbing into the phone. I just remembered our first night. The first night after we got married.
"How does it all feel? The teamwork is outstanding." Luke had said.
I hadn't understood it then, but now...
"Dad. Tell me the truth about you and Mrs. Catherina." I said, my face becoming steely.
"We are family friends, Karla. What is wrong with you?"
"Does mum know she is your side woman?"
"Karla!" I could hear shuffling sounds as he moved away from where ever he was. He was probably close to mum. How despicable.
"But mum knew, didn't she? That's why she wanted both of us to get married. You are obliging because you know you would lose too much if she asks for a divorce and you are found guilty of keeping a mistress!"
"Karla." He started to say, his teeth gritted. "Be very careful with what you say, Karla. Be very careful what kind of allegations you throw in my face."
I burst into crazy, humorless laughter. I heard the door creak, but I didn't pay it any attention. "So, are you saying, dad, that you and Mrs. Catherina are not cheating? That you are not her side man and you have been doing it to your best friend for eight good years, father? How despicable can you get? How shameless can she get, putting up an act at the hospital when Mr. McGregor died after cheating on him and causing him heartache for eight good years of his life? How dare you do all of this to me and to her son, Dad? Did you not think of the son, my mum or me? What were you thinking?!" I yelled, hitting the table.
"Karla."
I stopped, tears standing in my eyes. I swallowed as I slowly turned, dreading what I knew I was going to see.
Luke was standing behind me, his eyes glassy. I let go of the phone and it crashed to the floor. Breaking into pieces and automatically disconnecting the call. God. I should have done this past thing right. I haven't come back seven years of my life, even though accidentally, only to see Luke looking at me this way. Looking at me like he was looking at some criminal.
"Luke." I took a step forward and he moved away, almost falling. He was wearing the sky blue and white hoodie, his jet black hair ruffled and a little wet. His eyes were wide and moist, his lips slightly parted.
He looked absolutely beautiful in his sorrow. And it broke my heart that was the deposit I had made on him.
"Luke, its not..."
"Stay away." He said and turned around, as if looking for something. He got the hospital wear he had removed and walked away. More precisely ran away, leaving the door open.
The cold breeze seeped through, and it cut through my skin. I found myself going down. My body racking with the sobs that escaped my lips. How could all of this have happened while I was blissfully ignorant, blissfully revelling in the lies that I had been innocent?
The rest of the day passed by in a blur, the cookies Luke had made staring at me like a traitor.
When I woke up the next morning, the hoodie I had got him was carefully ironed and put in a parcel that was left at my doorstep.