"From my cousin." I staggered backward by his revelation.
What? What did he just say?
"W-what are you saying? St-op lying!" I stammered.
I don't want to believe him. It's not possible... he's just lying to get me back.
"You have gone blind for almost 6 months. Every day I visited you in the hospital, even if I could only have a peek, a glance, a secret moment of checking you inside your room, even your parents always pushed me away blaming me for everything that happened to you. I saw all your suffering while you were waiting for a donor." He slowly narrates his side that I have closed for a long time. All the pain is coming back to me, especially when I remember how many times I stopped Dad from mentioning it to me.
"While I was looking for a way to help, I was also taking care of Ivy and our future child. Then one day, my closest cousin... died suddenly in a bus accident, and in his farewell letter, he offered his cornea for you." He gently reached into my eyes and touched his thumb to wipe away the tears blocking my eyes.
"STOP LYING PLEASE! Stop using anyone to clear up your mess, Jacob!" It was as if I had run out of strength because of the firm slap of truth to me, and I could do nothing but let tears fall on the floor.
"I'm not. Please listen to me. If you hadn't heard all my stupidity, you wouldn't have had an accident. I was a jerk. I blame myself for everything that happened to you. That's why..." He was having a hard time speaking and breathing, and I could clearly see the pain in his eyes. I tried not to get affected, but why are those tears pricking my softest spot?
"That's why you donated your cousin's cornea to me? For what?! To lessen the guilt?!" I scoffed and slowly reached for my heavy chest. He's unbelievable, but I still chose to hear him out. My conscience bothers me and prevents me from doing tonight's plan.
"When I heard that your operation was successful, I couldn't stop from going back to the hospital to check on your condition. But sadly, the day after that..." He breathed heavily before continuing as if there was a lump blocking his throat.
"Ivy gave birth to our son who barely lived for just 3 hours in the world. I regret everything that happened to you, to Ivy... to my son. IT'S ALL MY FAULT. No one is to blame but me, NO ONE ELSE."
He wiped his face and kneeled in front of me, trembling and very fragile. The two of us fell silent, crying and thinking. Now I'm reckoning his devastated expression, frustrated. A moment of silence passed. He stood and cupped my face and locked me in his embrace against my will. I want to squeeze myself into the extreme chaos of the situation. Should I continue all this? Am I still doing the right thing?
Ever since that day, I could see nothing but darkness, I have repeatedly asked myself if I deserve to be hurt in that way? Why do I have to go through all that just because I fell in love?! I never thought of being ruined in the name of love.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but no voice was coming from my mouth. It was all inside my head. I'm exhausted. I was consumed by this whole vengeance running in my head. I was so angry that one day I found out that the man I hated was also the reason why I can see now.
"Jess, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being imperfect, for causing you so much pain, and for being vulnerable to temptations. I am only human, a sinner. I'm sorry I failed you... I really am." He sobbed and tightened his embrace while brushing my hair to calm me.
"THAT'S B*LLSH*T!" I immediately pushed him hard to get out of his tight embrace.
"Yes! You are human, and you are a rational being. How could you not think of that before cheating on me?! How could you..." I pointed at his face, but I was too feeble when he held my hand and looked at me like a dying person being tormented by my long absence.
A moment of silence enveloped us countless times. A glint of hope was reflected in his eyes, and the rest of it was loneliness.
"I know I can't go back to the past. I know I have no right to ask you this, but I would like to know if you don't love me anymore... even a little." His Adam's apple moved as if dried from all the tears and heartaches.
"Jess, don't you love me anymore?" I was taken aback by his question. Before I started it, I knew I was confident but not now that I knew the truth.
"I have to go." I veered my gaze sideways and was about to turn my back on him again, but he caught my hand again and gently pushed me into the room near us.
He locked the door using his free hand while my hand was still in his tight grip. I threw a questioning look at him, but his pleading eyes turned dark and dangerous.
"I won't let you go until you answer my question. Don't you love me anymore?" He repeated with desperation, and my impaling stare penetrated him, causing him to loosen his grip.
"Your question is meaningless." Every word I uttered to him sent a thousand arrows into his chest, and I bowed down to cover my body, I was getting weary. I bit my lower lip, repressing a sob.
I still forcibly remove his hand from my wrist despite the unbearable truth. I whispered the most painful words in this life, and I will repeat them if we meet again... in another life.
"Be happy and forget about us." I wiped my tears before reaching the knob again, but before I could do so, he grabbed my wrist and pinned me against the door, preventing me from going out. Our bodies were so close I could smell the scent of his breath.
"Jess, how? How can I do that if you keep avoiding my question? I want to hear from you. Do you still love me?" My brows furrowed at his madness, and I bat my lashes before answering.
"WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?!" He stepped back when I shouted. I pushed him to the side, leaving his jacket on the floor.
"I WANT TO HEAR THAT I CAN STILL LOVE YOU, AND YOU CAN STILL LOVE ME AGAIN!" I huffed at his insane claim, my eyes focused on his bloodshot eyes.
What did he expect? Is he hoping that after I hear the truth from him, we'll be fine and forget everything that happened?
NO! NEVER! IT'S NOT OK!
On second thought, I realized that this would be my last chance. I started this, so I'll be the one to finish it.
"DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?!" I shouted again, releasing the outrage inside me that scarred me for a long time.
"I DON'T KNOW!" I bravely answered, challenging him to initiate a move.
He slammed the door so hard that it made a rattling noise, displeased by my answer that was beating around the bush.
"Then I'll find out." I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. I was about to sigh miserably when he claimed my lip.
My hands traversed his dress shirt and tried to push him away. His hand carefully caressed my head, forcing himself on me. My knees softened when he successfully invaded my mouth, then a tear full of pain and regrets left my eyes. His kisses made me drowsy. I tried tasting his mouth then he stopped. He pulled away when I became unresponsive. He looked at me intensely, waiting for an answer.
"This isn't right," I muttered under my breath, flustered.
"We still love each other... there's nothing wrong with that." He automatically cupped my fear-stricken face and leaned his forehead against mine, assuring me.
I averted his eyes to check the time on the wall clock. When the clock's hand struck exactly 10 pm, I returned my lustful gaze at him, feigning hunger for heat.
WITHOUT further ado, I enveloped my arms around his neck and bit my lower lip, enticing him to continue. He pulled my waist closer to him, and he angled his face to lock our lips again. I deepened the kiss this time as if I had been thirsty for a year without rain. Surprisingly, his hands traveled from my waist down to my buttocks, to my thighs, and unzipped my back.
He showered me with sloppy kisses, and my dashing hormones readily gave in. Instinctively, I let our bodies lose from the heat we've been exploring, which undoubtedly matched up the levels that our bodies wanted.
I pulled away to catch my breath while I unbuttoned his dress shirt. He looked at me, asking for permission. I replied with a natural smile then he lifted me up by locking my thighs around his hips. I strangled his hair as we kissed. I gasped when I felt the soft mattress of the bed, his hands removing my heels, it clicked on the floor.
He looked at me with concern, and my tantalizing eyes allured him to keep going. He positioned himself in between my legs. My hands were gripping his collar, anticipating more from him. His dark, dangerous eyes drifted on my necklace, and he volunteered to remove it, placing it on the bedside table. Within a split second, I let out a sexy moan as his kisses went down my neck, collarbone, shoulders, and sternum.
He stopped when he realized our position, he was on top of me. In exchange, I cupped his face while he brushed my hair, preparing for the next thing to happen. I unbuckled his belt, which shocked him to the core and removed his dress shirt revealing his torso.
He gaped at me when I placed my palm on his hard chest and stroked every inch of it, getting him warmed up. Indeed, he's becoming sleepy. His strength was slowly diminishing except that his sexual desire kept him awake yet insufficient to base a round on me. Instantly, he undressed me, exposing my strapless bra. My hands went up, encircling his neck, and I pulled him forcefully to smash our lips uncontrollably. He groaned when my hands depressed his butt dimples, driving his muscles to tense. I wailed when he left a mark on my shoulder, burying my nails in his back.
In 5,4,3 ...
"I love you, Jess," he mumbled in my ears, and I let out an irresistible moan.
2, 1...
Jacob passed out.
I tapped his back to check if he was still conscious, but as expected, he snored, and I smirked in success. I pushed him sideways, making him roll into the blanket.
I scoffed when I saw the red mark on my shoulder and myself half-naked, leaving my strapless bra intact. I hurriedly adjusted my dress and put my heels back on. I grabbed my purse and made a series of lip buzz to calm my nerves. I opened the door and was startled when Marc stood in front of me, still on cover.
Without question, he rushed inside and took the hidden camera above the headboard before pulling me out of the hotel. I almost cried because he held me so tightly until we reached the parking lot. He pushed me inside the car and slammed the door of the shotgun seat in frustration.
I can't look at him. I'm still weak from everything that happened tonight. I thought it would be easy to carry out all my plans, but I was wrong.
I thought I was numb.
I thought I didn't care anymore.
I thought I didn't feel anything, but it was all my mind dictating what to feel. I realized I was just convincing myself that I didn't feel anything anymore because I was driven by anger.
"Let's stop this, Jess." I glanced sideways when Marc broke the silence.
"I completed the mission Marc, and I'm fine," I lied, and he heaved a deep sigh.
"You're just hurting yourself. Can't you see yourself right now? I heard everything, Jess." I automatically shifted on my seat to meet his eyes filled with fear and sadness.
He gripped the steering wheel showing his veins as he contained his emotions. A remorseful expression was written on my face. Only my family and best friends knew the aftermath of the accident. They were my witnesses when I underwent the cornea transplant and my depression after the operation.
"Why do I feel like this? I thought I would be happy, satisfied, and relieved after this, but I was wrong." I curved a painful smile as warm tears streak from my eyes. He wiped it away using his thumb.
"I know you were hurt, but you need to forgive and forget. Revenge will never be sweet and it won't take away the pain of the past. In the end, the only thing that will mend that broken heart of yours is you." He carefully reached my face and wiped the tears that were falling nonstop.
"Vengeance will only consume you until you lose yourself. In the end, no one wins. And I will never forgive myself if you will lose yourself." He rubbed my back, comforting me while I recollected all my thoughts and wrongdoings until now.
"What shall I do?" I cried, and he buried my head in his chest.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and poured out the heartaches. His chest moved up and down, and his heavy breathing clearly denoted his worries.
"'Don't pressure yourself too much hmm, I will help you." He hushed me, and the last thing I remember was him whispering in my ears sweet words while I was crying on his chest until I fell asleep.
"Let me be the one who will take away the pain."