I can't rest while lying in my bed. I still can't get over the conversation Roven and I had and how strange Zandy was acting toward me. I was confused by him while Roven was also confused in my mind.
To this day, I still think about what Roven said that he is not gay or bi or whatever it is called. I also couldn't help thinking about what he said that what I saw that day was not true. I also remembered what Zandy told me before that I was wrong in what I saw and I just interpreted that. If so, what does the scene I saw that day mean? I'm confused and don't know who to believe.
I sighed. I closed my eyes and shook my head to get all those thoughts out of my mind. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know how I should feel about what is happening. Everything is getting more and more complicated for me.
I removed the blanket from my body and stood up from the bed. I need to drink water to at least calm down. I quietly went down from my room and did not see Zandy there. He left earlier and I don't know where he went.
I felt the cold water draw down my throat which gave me relief. After I drank, I went up again and frowned when I saw Zandy on the terrace and silently looking at the wide sky while resting his arm on the steel braces. It's dark outside and only the moon, stars, and city lights can be seen there. Did he go home?
I don't know but something prompted me to go see him there. I stepped closer to him. I know he felt my arrival but he didn't move.
"Zandy."
He faced me. There was no emotion in his eyes. "Uhm? Do you need something?" he answered casually.
"Nothing," I replied and faced the wide sky. "It's good to watch the sky, isn't it? It gives some comfort, it's a good feeling," I said and closed my eyes to feel the cool night air.
"Do you need comfort? I can give you the comfort you want, Miles," Zandy said seriously.
I was surprised to face him. He was looking at the sky with a serious face. "Huh? Are you teasing me again, Zandy?" I said back, but the truth is that I felt a heartbeat that caused a tickle there.
I saw his slight smile. He still bowed. "Why are you like that, Miles? You always think that someone is lying or teasing you when they treat you well?"
I couldn't keep silent right away while seriously looking at Zandy's face. I couldn't see the joking or teasing on his face. I dodged and turned to the stars. "I don't know, Zandy, maybe I'm not used to it," I answered.
"Why? Are you still in love with Roven?"
I looked at him again. My eyes narrowed. "Can you please stop mentioning his name?" I said irritated.
He smiled again and looked up at me. "Are you still affected every time you hear his name? Does that mean you aren't finally moved on? Well, it's not easy to forget the people who made us happy in the past. Yes, they hurt us but the happiness and love that we felt for them remained in our concern." I suddenly saw sadness in his eyes. Is he going through something too?
"What do you mean? You, are you still affected? I mean, do you still love Roven?"
His smile grew wider. I don't know but he looks handsome in those smiles especially when he bit his lower lip and tilted his head slightly. "Until now, you're thinking that I have had an affair with Roven? So, he didn't say anything about what happened?"
I was immediately speechless. I remembered what Roven had told me that what I had seen before was not real. My mind was filled with wonder. "I don't know if I should believe when he said that he saw me wrong before. Should I believe that, Zandy?"
"That's what's hard about you, Miles, you're too blind to the point that you don't want to listen to the people around you. You're not hurt, you're not going to know the truth. You're just hurting yourself from the very beginning but Roven was also wrong to leave you like that without his explanation," he said seriously that there was a concern for me.
I was silent while seriously looking at Zandy. I tried to think about what he said. "Then what is the truth, Zandy?" I felt nervous about what I would hear from him.
"Since Roven also told you that what you saw was not true and also to clear my name, Roven was right, what you saw that day was not true," he began. "It was just a plan and I was just a part of it."
My mouth dropped when I heard it. My heart beat faster because of that. What plan is he talking about? I was even more confused by what I heard. I feel like my heart has been stabbed again and again. I felt angry and annoyed with Roven and Zandy. I have the right to be angry because I was the one who was hurt because of the plan he was talking about.
"Plan?" I laughed but the bitterness was there. "What a great plan you have!" I just realized that tears started to fall from my eyes because of the pain. The pain seems to break my heart because I found out that it was all just a plan and that Roven's true intention was to leave me and that Zandy was an accomplice. "How much did Roven pay you to agree to that plan? You're a fool, huh! You didn't even think that a girl would be hurt when you agreed to that plan! Do you think I lost my anger just because you confessed the truth? Zandy, I wish you had at least thought that you would get hurt before you agreed to that stupid plan! You even helped Roven hurt me! The plan was great and you succeeded!" I said full of anger while crying.
I quickly turned around but I hadn't gone far when Zandy grabbed my arm. "Miles, I didn't intend to hurt anyone. I just didn't have a choice at that time. I'm sorry! I became selfish to the point that I didn't think that anyone would be hurt," he apologized, hinting that repentance
I wiped the tears from my eyes. "It wasn't your intention? Zandy, you agreed to that plan knowing that someone would be hurt and that was me. I was hurt, Zandy, I endured the pain that I still feel. One year! One year I forced myself to forget everything and be happy but every time I remember what happened, I feel hurt and then you say you didn't mean it? That's great! I want to give you an award for pretending. You're such an
great actor," I said emphatically and sarcastically.
"I'm sorry, Miles. I've been regretting my wrong decision for a long time. I know I was wrong but I had no choice but to do that thing. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Zandy's face shows sadness and regret but I don't care about that anymore.
I took my arm back from him. "You're sorry can't do anything, Zandy!" I wiped the tears from my cheeks and left him there. I quickly walked to my room.
I don't know why I feel so much pain because of what I found out. Why was Zandy even a part of that crowd? It hurts! I feel like my heart is being squeezed again and again. But the truth is that I don't understand. Am I angry with Zandy because he agreed to that plan or because he was the one who hurt me?