Such a beautiful day. At this time I was under a shady tree to see the beautiful scenery near the lake. The atmosphere that feels peaceful makes my heart also peaceful. This time, I was sure of some of what Aunt Susan had said earlier. I can only listen to all the stories without ever asking directly to my aunt. I think that's what until now has always been never able to escape from me. The sun was starting to rise, I immediately rushed away. When I walked quickly, at that moment I felt something was wrong with me. Why does it feel as thrilling as if I have congenital heart disease. Arriving in front of my grandmother's residence, I entered the house and at that moment my aunt Susan saw me. The gaze I saw was still as friendly as usual, at that moment I felt relieved that I had returned safely. Since then, I just live in this house without going far. It's boring. I feel there is a wall that is blocking me and I really want to tear it down. Until one day it was only for myself and I wanted to enjoy all of it. However, all of that was just a fantasy and never happened. This time I entered my room and as usual I read some books which I think are quite interesting. Of all the things I've done, I've never done some as amazing as anyone else. Sometimes I'm also very frustrated about it and it even makes me more sure that in the end I really can't escape from here. A few minutes later, I just remembered that there are some things I have to talk about with my friends. I immediately rushed and this time I've decided to meet that person at a café not far from here. While walking towards there, I felt increasingly curious about something that had almost driven me crazy.
"You've been waiting long?"
“Ah, I also just arrived. Sit down Anne," Yolanda said. A girl who is none other than my school friend.
"I 've said before that there's some things I want to talk to you about."
"I know. But this is not as usual. I feel you are in trouble. Is my conjecture correct?”
"No. No problem whatsoever . I'm just curious about some of the information that's been circulating lately."
“Are you curious about that information? I don't think it's anything serious."
"What are you saying?"
"Look, some people are talking about the rumor and when I heard it from them, I felt sick to my stomach and it seemed like it was just deliberately fabricated information."
"Are you sure about that?"
“I'm pretty sure. But, sometimes I also feel curious just like you. However, I'm back to my original opinion. I think it's just a conspiracy that was deliberately made to shock everyone. You know yourself that most of them are always like that endless. So I thought so."
"Oh, I see? It seems that I am also not much different from those who are immediately provoked just because of that electrifying remark.”
"Oh yeah, what about your assignment?"
“Oh, I've almost finished it. I feel that if I continue to postpone it, it will become a burden on my mind.”
Even though I felt that there was something odd about the other's opinions, I felt that my curiosity this time might just kill me. I became surprised by some of these things and even some things that shouldn't be like that. A few minutes later I felt something was wrong. As if this world is already contaminated. My mind went back to the complicated stuff and this time I had a headache. It's been a long time since I've been like this and this time it's really different compared to usual. I think something has been pressing down on me for a long time. I almost got out of control as soon as I was alone in my room. The chaotic thoughts and headaches that came over and over again made my head feel heavy. I kept trying to look normal in front of Yolanda because I didn't need to make that person worry about me. Currently we continue to make small talk and occasionally talk about some stories that we have recently read. I just listened to what Yolanda said. Her passion when telling the novel Yolanda had read made me feel that we did have something in common. I've read a lot of novels and I don't think all of them are anything special. The average ends tragically and it actually makes me feel weird why it has to be like that.
"So, actually you've read all of that and then read it again from the beginning?" I asked Yolanda.
"Yes. because I liked some of the age in the story, I re-read the novel until I got bored. It's like listening to new music and you're bound to keep listening to it until you get bored and then change that song for something else. I'm more or less like that."
"By the way, didn't anyone say something else?"
"Hah? What do you mean?"
"Suppose someone is talking about someone or something."
"You're curious about the rumors the kids in class are talking about?"
"Correct."
"Good grief. I think because of what . you want to know their bullshit.”
"Nonsense?"
"Yes. they keep spreading useless stuff just to attract friends. I've been keeping tabs on some of them for a long time and mostly talk about the people they envy. I also can't stop thinking about their really disgusting behavior. Do you think you are still curious about what those people said?”
"Who knows. This time I seem to have changed my mind.”
“That's great. At least you still think clearly unlike the others who have fallen into their trap.”
“But, to be honest I really don't know about the people in the class. I don't think I ever really got to know everyone."
Even though I told some of my honesty in front of Yolanda, I also felt guilty for myself being such an annoyance. I didn't know what to do after that and it felt like I was at a dead end. I returned to solitude even though there were actually a lot of people around me. It's just, I can't see them with my conscience. I kept imagining many horrible things until I couldn't control myself and then isolated myself. Yolanda probably never knew about it because I never told Yolanda everything. It's the same now . I feel my world is really strange and I can't leave it. It's like sticking to me.
“Oh yeah, if you have a new novel, I'd like to borrow it. Is it allowed?" she asked .
"Of course. You can borrow it."
"Thank You. You are the best.”
“I also can't come to the event. I guess I'll only come when it's important."
“Eh? Didn't you agree? Then why did you suddenly change your mind like that?”
“At first I really wanted to come but after I thought about it, there were some things I had to do at home. I'll get mad if I keep going and that's no excuse."
"Ah, it turns out your family is tough huh. I understand if that's the reason you didn't go. Too bad you didn't come."
"Yes, I also deeply regret it."
"You don't have to be sorry. Maybe it was true that the event wasn't that important and the class president was quite the person. It shouldn't be."
"You think that's too much?"
"Yes. what's so good about that?”
"I thought you would never say something like that."
"What? You think I'm an idealistic and principled person? Of course I'm just a rational person."
“It turns out that you confessed yourself that easily.”
"Must. Otherwise you will only become the laughing stock of others. You have to be confident even though you are very insecure.”
"That is true. I agree with your opinion."
Time keeps running. This time I was home and at this time I also saw my grandmother and aunt Susan who had been looking at me. They then told me to sit down and that's when the usual conversation started. I didn't understand what the two of them said. Until now I also don't understand why they say things like that continuously and even endlessly. After that, I returned to my room and saw the atmosphere in my room which was much better than outside . I can't stop thinking why I am like this with my life. I feel something really different.
"What kind of feeling is this?" I muttered to myself.
The next day. This time I, along with others, did a group assignment which was quite troublesome. I can't think straight because it makes me dizzy. It didn't take long before I was almost done and I almost felt relieved. At the same time I kept looking at the people in the other groups because they seemed suspicious. It doesn't feel like it's over and now I'm back in my seat and starting to calm down. Today is quite draining my mind. At that time I saw someone who seemed to see me but with a different view.